Intoxication, Solitude then Abandonment. Be Prepared to Drive a Classic

posted in: Online Around the Net | 2

The first thing you notice when firing up an old car, let’s say a 1966 Porsche 912, are the smells. Open the door and the olfactory system detects more boat than car. As a good friend once said, whether a house, car or boat, it’s all comes down to water. Either keeping it out or pumping it in.

Some of us drive air cooled cars, never take them out in the rain or snow and only wash them with spritzer. Hmm… wine spritzer, with a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich where the mutton is nice and lean. If it rains unexpectedly while out on a long drive, ok, it’s not going to melt the paint. I’m not really that anal about rain but to make my point, things that are old just smell.

Fire up the engine and my wife closes the windows. I’m forbidden to run the car with the garage door open because toxic fumes permeate once I go inside for beer number two. I think the worse part about the exhaust fumes is that you never really escape them even while driving. I could be humming down the road, windows cranked, breeze through my hair with chicks digging my goldie-locks (it’s quite a sight) but then stoplight. I get some backdraft, my eyes water and I can’t see next to me to give a wink, honk and a wave. Damn, I know one of these days I’m totally going to pick up a hot chick by honking at her.

Why am I so desperate to pick up some random chick drivng next to me? Because I’m alone. Well, except for my wife who realizes this is a hypothetical situation to make a point. Why am I alone? Because with the windows down blowing all kinds of noise up in here, you can’t talk on the phone to tell your homies you’ll be there ten minutes late. Oh right, I don’t do that now because it’s only ten minutes from when I said I was going to be there. I must be referring to all the women out there who feel it necessary to call with updates every 5-10.

If my wife doesn’t abandon me after this post, there’s a solid chance my car still will. The reason is obvious, old shit breaks. If you are going to drive a classic here is my advice: bring eye drops, an iPod and AAA. Oh, and most certainly bring a tool kit. The car will break the day you forget the kit at home.

2 Responses

  1. Anonymous

    Your wife isn’t going to leave you after this post. But you may need to call someone else for a ride the next time your car breaks down.
    – Your better half

  2. jennifer fracassi

    I am shocked – you can actually admit that an old car is not perfect! Is this a recent breakthrough?
    The thought of you at a stoplight with eyes watering because of fumes made me laugh out loud!

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