Tours of my backyard coming soon. It’ll be great. We’ll start out on the driveway and creep slowly down a three foot decline my grandma could walk. As we venture across brown pastures next to beautiful green trimmed grass meadows, like I want to tear up my lawn with this 6×6, we will explore native creatures. Such as the yellow lab named Abby short for Abbalishiss taken from the tribal ancestors of Abbalmatuka. We will cruise gingerly next to the fire pit filled with ancient tree limbs that gotta be, what, 30 or 40 years old? Burning with fire invented thousands of years ago, maybe millions. Fire is like really old. Included in your tour package will be a long stick with a marshmallow – “Hands inside the truck please!” – to cook on the open flame. Look deeply into the fire and consider how the same flame cooked meals for almost all of human kind. Just don’t burn the mallow, you only get one.
Rounding the corner, our journey will take us along side the tomato patch, of which you won’t get any because we really like tomatoes, as we make our way to the front of the house. This is where I’ll enlist the help of fellow passengers who have an adventurous streak. We’ll need to spot and traverse the land mines, someone should really pick up after that lab more, before cascading through a treacherous open waterway next to the street. This drainage ditch is known for extreme puddling during rainfalls of 8 inches or more which never happens, and sadly, marks the conclusion of our journey on our way back to the driveway.
I hope you enjoyed your seven minutes, please pay the $50 dollar minimum suggested donation as you get off my property. Keep in mind during the hot summer months we run the sprinkler. Next!
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